Empathetic Listening

James 1:19 says, Know this, my dear brothers and sisters: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to grow angry.

Listening is a part of our everyday lives as we interact and engage with other people and serve in ministry. Listening serves many purposes and there are different types of listening. With this we understand that there is a difference in being heard and feeling heard.

Empathy is in an essence the “act” of listening to someone else. It is being involved in the listening process and not just the physical hearing portion of it but feeling what the other person is expressing and sharing. For example, if someone is at a low point in life coming to them and sitting with them and expressing understanding about their current situation, verses saying “well that stinks”.

We must understand that empathetic listening is in fact challenging because it is the process for us to try and experience what the other person is expressing to us. It is in fact putting yourself in their shoes to gain an understanding of how they feel. To do this we have to become selfless, understanding, and willing to relate personally to the other person. True empathetic listening is difficult because it is all about the other person and where they are in their situation, we have to listen but yet we also have to aim to feel what they feel.

In an effort to teach empathy we must first realize that making the conscience effort towards empathetic listening we have to suspend judgements or in other words “level the playing field”. We also must understand that this effort takes time, and we should be willing to dedicate the time needed to engage in conversation with the other individual.

Another significant factor in empathetic listening is paraphrasing. When learning about empathy and being better empathetic listeners, we must remember that this conversation is not about us! However, it is putting the other individuals’ words around experiences without personalizing it too much about us. It is beneficial to take what you are hearing and relate the information in your own words so you can relate and feel as the other person is feeling.  Paraphrasing becomes significant mostly as well when we may feel tempted to share our own stories. Remember, we cannot take center stage but at the same time must stay engaged in the dialog of the conversation.

To become more Christlike, we must learn “Empathy”.

Empathy is therefore greater than sympathy because it moves beyond feeling to action. It is a choice to share in the pain of another person. A true put yourself in their shoe’s moment.

Think about this… Jesus Christ is the epitome of true empathy.  Apart from Christ, we are not only in a pit of sin, but also powerless to get out on our own. The sin and darkness into which we are born separates us from God and all that would heal and fulfill us.  

Jesus doesn’t look down from heaven on our brokenness and say,
“That stinks!”.  
“Good Luck!”.
“Hope you figure it out!”  

Instead, he took on human form and experienced every type of frailty, test, and sorrow that any human would ever encounter.  

He came into the pit with us.

If our efforts and desire to become more Christlike, we must truly desire to be more like Him. We must become empathetic listeners. As we communicate and support our brothers and sisters in Christ become quick to listen and slow to speak. We should desire to listen to feel as they are feeling keeping it about them, becoming selfless, humble, and supporting.

This is a challenge and is difficult. However, in our journey in faith and our relationship with Jesus we will be led to people who are in dark pits of sin or suffering. And just like Christ did for us, we must be willing to enter into their suffering with them.

In this world of sin and darkness, we as believers need each other.

Blessings,
Pastor Jonathan W. Pannell III